


Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause?

by CrowsAce



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Abusive Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Abusive Relationships, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Not Related, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29821953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrowsAce/pseuds/CrowsAce
Summary: Escaping turned out to be the easy part, it was what to do after that turned out to be difficult.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Rape/non-con mention, controlling relationships, abusive relationships

At first they had made such the unlikeliest of pairs.

They met during their last year of high school when their friend groups had to come together for a group project, of course they had heard of each other before, what with Roman being the star of the school and Remus practically the villain - he wasn't, he just didn't take shit from no one, it wasn't his fault people had no taste and didn't like his lovely art he spray painted around the school. 

It was funny how different the three were from each other, yet just how well they worked together.

Roman had been late to arrive to the meeting, when he got there it seemed his two friends were having an anxious stare off with the other three, all of them too awkward and nervous to say anything, well everyone except Remus but they had all later learned and laughed over the fact that Janus had bribed him to keep quiet and to not scare their group away when they really needed to get this project done, or suffer the consequences.

  
  


Roman had turned up with his usual dramatics, had taken one look at Remus and had beamed.

“What’s up peasants! _Oh_ _you’re_ the one that leaves the paintings all over the school, they’re very lovely by the way, if not a little morbid.” He had exclaimed excitedly, sure the gory images wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but one had to appreciate the effort that had gone into make the images look so realistic and vivid, not to mention how he must have done a lot of it during the dead of night so no one could stop him spraying almost the entire school.

Remus’s eyes had lit up, his ever present grin widening further at the others words, finally, a fan!

“Ahh a man of good taste I see.” He then blatantly looked the other up and down, “And looking pretty tasty too~” He purred, delighting in the way Roman had giggled and blushed.

Then the two of them were walking away arms around each others waists as they whispered and giggled together, leaving their confused friends to exchange glances and trail after.

By the end of their first study session together they were all friends, by the end of that month they had all ended up partnering up together and everything was perfect.

  
  


Till it wasn’t.

* * *

  
  


It had been many years since then, and whilst the friends still kept in contact with each other and would meet up whenever they could, one of them was slowly falling apart, or rather two of them were.

  
  


Roman was slowly losing the will to live, it was hard to enjoy almost anything with a shadow breathing down his neck, questioning his every movement, doubting his every word.

Looking back he could probably point out all those little moments that led to his life now, all those red flags he had ignored, all those alarm bells.

But no he hadn’t listened to them, he had just laughed it off as his own overactive imagination, acting like his boyfriend's jealous behaviour was cute - at the time he thought it was, he had never had someone care so deeply for him before… now he knew it wasn’t so much about caring as it was possessive and obsessive behaviour, he would even get jealous if he messaged one of their friends, he only allowed it to happen if he could read the messages first before sending it, and despite doing this he would still demand to read through Roman’s phone every night.

Because of this Roman hardly reached out to his friends anymore, if he did interact it was responding to messages in the main group chat or when they would ring him, Remus would always listen in on the calls when that happened. Sometimes Remus would even just take his phone and message the others as if it was him to throw them off, no one seemed to notice.

  
  


He had mixed feelings about that, part of him was hurt that his friends couldn't _see_ him, though a small voice said that if anyone would be able to impersonate him it would be Remus.

It made him more sure that what he was about to do wouldn’t affect the others.

  
  


Another part wished the others could tell, could tell that it was Remus pretending, that they would suddenly figure out what was happening and come to his rescue - and oh how the mighty have fallen, he once joked about being a prince ready to rescue those in need, now it was him that needed the rescuing - but he knew no one was going to rescue him.

He was tired of feeling trapped and lonely, and feeling like it was his fault.

  
  


He waited till Remus had gone to work before he left, having to climb out the window and down the fire escape, a feat not made easy by the heavy rain they were having, all he had with him was a few dollar bills and his phone…

He didn’t know what he was going to do.

  
  


A small part of him wanted to start anew… but a larger part was so tired now, he just wanted to close his eyes for awhile.

  
  


He wasn’t sure if he wanted to open them again.

He would miss the stars though.

  
  


He used to stargaze all the time when he was little, and when he met his first friend - Logan - they would often have sleepovers and would watch the stars together.

  
  


That was so long ago now, it had been quite awhile since he had seen his friends… Nearly three years now. He had missed the last few meetups, Remus had gone and gave some excuse, Roman couldn’t remember what they were now. During that time Roman remained in their little flat alone with nothing but their plants and the neighbours cat to keep him company, he wasn’t allowed out.

_Ever_.

Remus had installed a camera outside their front door around five years ago now, ‘for security’ he had told the neighbours, they thought it was for safety, but Roman knew it was to keep him imprisoned.

"I just want to keep you safe!” Remus had argued against him when Roman first tried to protest the treatment.

  
  


He never felt safe around him, not anymore.

The first day of having the cameras on Remus was at work, Roman worked at home - at first he thought he was luckily to have a home job because he could decide his hours, now it was another way Remus could keep him trapped. He had spent a few hours doing some coding before deciding to take a break and go for a walk, it was that lovely fall weather, where the sun was still shining but the air was cool. He was gone for maybe an hour at most, stopping only once to get a coffee to go. 

He came back home and continued with his work, about half an hour later Remus arrived home, three hours earlier than usual. Roman jumped in his seat when the front door had slammed shut.

“Babe? You’re back early.” He said nervously as the other came into the kitchen, green eyes seeming to eerily glow in the light.

  
  


“Where were you?!” Remus had questioned, his voice strained.

Roman swallowed nervously at the look of anger on his face, “What are you - ”

  
  


Remus’s expression turned to one of rage as he grabbed something heavy and chucked it at Roman, the other let out a screech and dove out of the way, his laptop on the other hand wasn’t so lucky, Roman could see that the object - a paperweight - had hit the back of the screen so hard it had made it go black with a few spiderwebbed red and green lines. 

He looked over at the other torn between being terrified and offended, “What the hell?!”

  
  


Remus lunged and slammed him against the wall, Roman had never been so scared, and he grew up with an alcoholic father so that was saying something.

  
  


He never thought his boyfriend would ever make him feel like this… he had obviously noticed his boyfriend’s behaviour changing but this… he never expected this, though he also couldn’t say he was surprised. 

_All the signs were there after all._

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO!”

“O-out.”

“FUCKING WHERE!”

“I-I j-just for a-a walk, I swear… I only stopped to get coffee.”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he glared down at his boyfriend, “What part of ‘don’t go out without me’ don’t you understand?”

Roman couldn’t help but glare back, “But you never want to go out with me! It was only a walk Remus, I just wanted to get some fresh air - ”

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off when the other backhanded him. 

“DON’T FUCKING ARGUE WITH ME! IF I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DO IT! IF I TELL YOU NOT TO GO OUTSIDE WITHOUT ME YOU DON’T GO! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND!”

Roman cried out as Remus hit him once more and began twisting his arm, spinning him around so his chest was slammed up against the wall. 

“I’m s-sorry!” He sobbed out, terrified out of his mind. 

He saw the signs - Remus asking for photos of him when he was out, photos of the shop names he would go into, wanting constant updates on his whereabouts - they were all there.

Even at the beginning - Remus hardly ever letting him out of his sights, waiting outside for him when he went to the bathroom, waiting outside his every class ready to walk him to the next one - but he had ignored them, thinking the actions nothing more than romantic at the time, and slowly over time his behaviour had worsened to...

_This._

“Sorry are you? No I don’t think you are yet, but don’t worry baby you will be, then next time you’ll think twice before disobeying me.”

Roman had been in denial, not wanting to admit to himself what had happened, not wanting to admit that that night he was raped, but Remus had ignored his cries of ‘No!’ and pleas to stop, hadn’t even prepped him and just shoved in dry.

He wasn’t able to walk without limping for a while.

Then Remus did it again, and again, and again. 

And suddenly this sort of thing was the norm, the harsh treatment and words, replacements of the once loving words and actions his boyfriend would bestow on him.

Now he was lucky if Remus used his spit as lube.

He was sure he fought back a little at the start, but Remus would always twist it around so that he was the victim and that Roman was the one being unreasonable, and over time Roman became too beaten down to do anything to stop him.

  
  


Roman landed in a puddle as he jumped off the end of the fire escape, the water splashing either side of him, he looked back up to where his window was, the neighbours cat looking down at him, it seemed pleased with his decision to escape.

Honestly so was he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly new, I apparently wrote this last October for a prompt, before dropping it and writing something else, but I felt like sharing it~
> 
> Wanna join my discord?  
> https://discord.gg/GDzU9Ea5Pb
> 
> Wanna follow on tumblr?  
> http://crows-ace.tumblr.com


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